Journal: Time of Lost

Everything I do is worth nothing, I look like nothing in me is worth something. It used to be something; But, Now its worth nothing anymore. I wonder, what will happen to me if I keep feeling sad and lost with words. Is it because of what I do, is it because what I try to do. Or is it because of hate. When I look up, I wonder if I will ever die or fall out. There are things in Life that is un-said. When I'm angry or upset, I feel like wanna do something to myself that is unsatisfying. I feel like I wanna hang myself, slit my own throat to let the pain go away, Even try and suffocate myself to death because I can't handle the things that I do. I'm lost and I can't deal with this. The Last time I said that, I was put in medical attention, a Crazy hospital because I was being suicidal. Well don't blame me, because it is not my fault that I feel emotional to much. Sometimes emotional people can breakdown. An Emotional Breakdown; and If it happens to me, Well I would be emotionless. I Just don't wanna feel sad and lonely, hurt and depressed, emotional and suicidal. I wanna do what ever it takes to keep myself from hurting myself or my Family.

Loneliness and Hurt

Have you ever been hurt by someone before, Ever had been abandoned by love, squashed like a bug. I'm the Next one to be hurt by someone. A Girl I liked, a girl I bonded and cherish all went away. I Don't Know how this happen, I don't know why this happend, I wanna know why and what did I do wrong to be in this situation. I've been dissolved by love, strived with depression and guilt. This same guilt that I had, I couldn't control my mouth and what I would speak. The Words that I spoken led me to the Hospital "..I wish I was Dead.". Those same words were the words that send me to the Hospital. I was hurt, and wanted to not be hurt. I've been feeling this pain in my chest for 2 years straight, and I haven't even heal the pain. The Pain continues to haunt, hurt, even rid me down. Some say that it would be best to be rid from existence; other want me to see's help by friends. Well I got News, Nobody don't know about my feelings, my life cause I know it sucks bad. My Life sucks bad as hell, I don't know what to do. I Don't know what's become of me; I wanna know why do I feel this pain, why do I let the pain hurt me. If the pain consist, I won't have a choice but to give up these feelings. Feeling sad is one thing that I have in common with that single word "Sad". Depression is as stronger as "Sad". I don't know what Might happen next in my life :( .